Things Can Quickly Escalate When We Aren’t Present

I'm noticing that things escalate faster than ever before. A comment taken the wrong way. What looks like a snub when really, someone's so deep in thought they aren't even present. An unspoken concern or fear finally revealed—at exactly the wrong time and place.

I don't know about you, but I'm finding myself deeper in my own thoughts. Less present and less connected with what's happening in this moment.

Not only is this distraction dangerous, but it also harms relationships.

More importantly, it keeps me from experiencing the moments that are happening right now.

Last week I was driving to the grocery store on a route I've taken a hundred times or more. I stopped at a 4-way intersection—each side emptying two lanes of traffic—deep in thought about the world, my business, and my partner recovering from surgery at home.

As I sat there, a million miles away, the vehicle directly to my right started to go. Unconsciously, I followed their movement and began to go myself. Only I was turning left and crossing two lanes of traffic while they continued straight. And I still had a red light, not a green arrow. I allowed their momentum to carry me rather than being fully present and checking my own light.

It was an embarrassing disaster with no harm done except all the honking and yelling—which I fully deserved. As I tried to back up and get out of the way of multiple lanes of traffic, I realized: Beth, you've got to get present.

But here's the kicker: It's far easier to be in escape mode these days than it is to be present. At least for me. And for most of us when we're feeling stressed, vulnerable, and overwhelmed.

So I started something new.

When I get in my car (and any other time I need to), I remind myself to "be fully present in the facts and the task at hand." I repeat that reminder anytime I feel my mind starting to wander when my full presence is required.

Because I know my mind desires to escape and wander free—and I can only watch so much HGTV before I'm bored—I'm leaning into my drawing and sketching. Simply being inspired by what's around me. A leaf. An acorn. That pesky squirrel that raids my bird feeders. The subject doesn't matter.

John Muir Laws, my idol for nature journaling, calls it "pencil miles." Just logging as much time as possible observing and sketching. I call it curiosity miles. The act of letting myself observe whatever catches my fancy and then putting pencil to paper, capturing what I can.

When my daughter Annie was about ten and I was deep into a spell of creating art in the evenings and on weekends, she asked me, "What's wrong, Mom?"

I asked her why she would ask that, and she said, "When you're trying to work something out, you always start making art."

I had never noticed that pattern, but I see it now what she called it out all those years ago. When I am wanting to escape and can’t, drawing helps sink into curiosity by letting my mind focus on what I observe then capture on paper. And it serves me well. So much better than a wandering mind while driving a vehicle!

What is your escape?

How do you create time to allow your mind to wander safely? What do you love that brings peace and balance back to a weary and overworked mind?

I'd love to hear from you.