Gossip, Defined
A recent participant in NCD Essentials was reflecting on what the NCD Process taught her:
“I’m so grateful to understand how to talk about things that are on my mind without veering into gossip.”
When asked to elaborate, she explained that she now understands how gossip is filled with assumptions, unspoken expectations, and fears of the future. The NCD Process, as a self-coaching tool, enables you to inspect each and every one of these so that you can speak clearly and directly based on facts.
She went on to say that NCD requires you to identify exactly who you need or want to have the conversation with. By being intentional in identifying the “who”, you avoid having unproductive conversations that actually aren’t your business to be having anyway.
I was so inspired by these insights she had after just two sessions of NCD Essentials, that I am altering my definition of gossip.
Gossip: Conversations consisting of assumptions, unspoken expectations, and fears of the future, where I’m passing on facts have not been confirmed to people who aren’t directly involved.
As you practice clean and emotionally clear dialogue, avoid gossip pitfalls by asking yourself these questions:
Am I sharing only facts?
Am I frustrated someone is not living up to my unspoken expectations or expectations they’ve not agreed to?
Am I stirring up fears about the future that I have no evidence will even come to pass?
Am I conversing with others who have no direct relationship to the topic or concern?
Am I causing drama, chaos, and confusion by sharing things that aren’t my business or within my circle of influence?
To be sure, as humans, we all engage in gossip from time to time. However, when we do, we are doing it to satisfy something within ourselves. To elevate ourselves above others, and to create a sense of connection – even though it is inauthentic.
NCD teaches you the steps for communicating in clear and clean ways that build meaningful connections so the urge to gossip is no longer as potent.
Doesn’t that sound great?