Is yearning the missing piece?
I was working with a client who said, in response to a suggestion, “I should already know this stuff. I just don’t think of it when it comes to advising my own self.”
My response was, “I can relate. I work with my own coach because I know that there is plenty I know already but it doesn’t always come to mind. Especially when I’m feeling vulnerable, defensive, protective, or uncertain. That’s the value of working with a coach.”
Just recently, my coach, Mark Silver of Heart of Business, gave me an assignment that I could easily see myself giving to someone else. But it is not something I would have thought about for myself (this is the value of coaching).
It was about exploring yearning.
You see, we’ve become a people programmed for immediate satisfaction. The example he gave was yearning for ice cream. I don’t have to sit and experience the yearning. I can easily fulfill my desire immediately.
My example is if I am yearning for connection with one of my kids, I can simply text or FaceTime, and they magically appear and fulfill my desire for connection.
So what are we missing by not sitting with yearning?
I’m not yet sure. But I have been doing an exercise Mark gave me which I am finding very enlightening. You may want to try it also.
Mark suggested that I spend some time each day noticing what I’m yearning for.
I decided to do a brief meditation on the theme of yearning and just notice what comes up. Then I would capture those thoughts while doing a free write following the meditation.
It’s only day one and already I’ve had some big revelations.
Here are a few:
I am yearning to be a prominent and recognized voice in the world by helping workplaces to become less dramatic, less stressful, and less toxic by demonstrating that how we treat each other and how we talk to each other is the beginning of this work.
I am yearning to stand on stages and speak with groups of people because the message dripping out to groups of 10 or 12 isn’t going to create a shift in awareness that each of us plays a significant part in how we feel at work.
The feelings that I desire as a result of this yearning are:
Joy when someone contacts me to work with me.
Joy when I help someone discover a new approach.
Joy when someone tries something I suggest to them, even when it’s a stretch, and they have a surprising and positive outcome.
Joy when I get a referral because it means I was helpful and of value to the referring person.
Excitement when l’m facilitating.
Excitement when someone in resistance enters a space with me and begins to have a sparkle of recognition, a sense of relief, or a breakthrough.
My list is very business focused because my work with Mark is about growing my business. And my mission is to help workplaces become more healthy and less toxic by learning how we emotionally manage ourselves and communicate.
I truly believe that workplaces can be spaces where we can all be fulfilled, engaged, and share our unique strengths and talents. I suspect that by not taking the time to feel yearning, we are missing out on a part of our journey, and some key answers, about what our heart desires.
My goal with my discoveries is to eventually figure out how to move myself closer to having more of what I yearn for in my life and my work. But for today, I’m just sitting with the joy and sorrow of yearning.
If you are feeling a little curious for a deeper understanding of what you most yearn for and what it feels like to yearn, go ahead and try this meditation and writing exercise.
Let me know what you learn about your own yearning. I can’t wait for the next few days as I go deeper into the journey!