Positive Empathy - An Easy Way To Shift Culture
Many years ago now I was on a working trip to Maui with a colleague. When I opened the door to my hotel room I could not believe my eyes. A big spacious room with wide windows overlooking gardens and the sea in the distance. I felt so happy and grateful.
I had noticed when we headed to our respective rooms, we went in opposite directions. My colleague went toward the back of the hotel while I went toward the front. I hesitated to call my colleague to share my joy over my accommodations because I was quite certain he had a view of the parking area.
A few minutes later he called me and asked how I was settling in. I couldn’t contain my joy:
“My room is so beautiful. I can see the gardens and there is a view of the ocean. I have never seen such beauty. I love it!”
“That’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you Bethie (yes, he called me Bethie). I can feel your joy. You deserve it. Enjoy every minute”.
I was so taken aback. I was sure if the situation had been reversed, I would have been envious. I may even have been a bit resentful. And my response probably would have been more along the lines of, “Really? My room just has a view of a stinking parking lot!”
What he was practicing was positive empathy. When he met me in my joy, my joy became even more elevated. And we experienced genuine good feelings together. What a gift.
When hearing empathy discussed, it is mostly in terms of meeting someone where they are at when they are experiencing distress. But I find positive empathy even more intriguing because of the benefits to both parties.
Positive empathy is the experience of witnessing or hearing about someone’s (or a group’s) positive experience and then experiencing and demonstrating positive feelings yourself.
Examples of positive empathy:
When someone else is enthusiastic, I share their enthusiasm.
If I don’t understand why someone else is excited, I imagine myself in their shoes to understand what they are feeling or thinking.
I feel happy that something good happened to someone else I know.
In brain imaging, it can be seen that when we are experiencing positive empathy, the brain of the person having the actual positive experience and the person observing, react in equal ways. This is powerful information!
Furthermore, researchers suggest that both children and adults who practice positive empathy build stronger bonds with those around them and are more open to engaging and connecting in positive ways.
At times we may be aware of someone else’s positive emotional state but not actually feel it ourselves. This is not positive empathy. For positive empathy to be present, and impact our own sense of happiness and satisfaction, we must actually experience the positive feelings within ourselves.
Warm Glow
There are times when we can feel good about doing something for someone else. This is called a “warm glow”. The focus is not on how the other feels but on how we feel. The impacts of positive empathy are experienced when we vicariously experience elevated positive emotions based off of another experiencing positive emotions. A good example of warm glow is when you help out a stranger in need and then feel proud of yourself for doing so. That is a “warm glow”. Positive empathy is when a friend tells you a story about how a stranger helped them out and you feel a sense of joy and gratitude well up inside you as you hear the telling of the story.
Lack of Positive Empathy Dampens Joy
When you share good news or enthusiasm and are met with a lack of positive empathy (blank stare, no facial expression, etc.), you are more likely to experience negative feelings yourself as a result. Also, you likely become resistant to sharing with that person again. And possibly resistant to sharing at all.
The study of positive empathy’s impact on the workplace is fairly new. However, without question, focusing on increasing positive empathy will help shift positivity in the workplace. And ultimately that holds promise to increase positive culture, happiness at work, trust, and retention.
How can YOU begin to practice positive empathy?
Observe and Notice. Become aware of others’ enthusiasm, joy, excitement, success, and good fortune. As you observe it, notice what you feel within yourself. You may notice envy, jealousy, or resentment. “Why not me?” That’s okay. Self-awareness leads to emotional self-regulation.
Sensemaking. Pause to give meaning to what you are observing. Question your thoughts. What does this actually have to do with me? Does another’s positive emotion actually take away or diminish the access I have to positive emotion? It only does if you choose to allow it to do so. Feel the thoughts you are having and then turn them around by identifying what is actually true in this moment.
Feeling. Your colleague is experiencing joy, success, gratitude, etc. and all positive emotion contributes and benefits the greater good. Emotions are vibrations. Sit quietly and notice the vibration and reflection of the positive emotions within yourself. Allow it to develop and grow.
Act. Validate and acknowledge the positive emotions within yourself and demonstrate them with your words, facial expressions, and energy level. If this is uncomfortable or challenging initially, mirror what you see in the individual as they share or experience their feelings. To find the words, simply describe what you are feeling to the person.
“I feel so happy that you are enjoying this experience!”
“I’m feeling so grateful that you’ve experienced this success.”
“I’m feeling so excited that you’ve been recognized in this way.”
“It feels so wonderful to see you solve this tough problem.”
Positive empathy has no cost associated with it.
It is actually a very simple act that pays both you and others high dividends in terms of well-being and connection. Although it may be uncomfortable in the beginning, you will quickly get in touch with positive empathy and find it becomes easier and easier to express.
Workplace culture is influenced by how the individuals show up in their interactions and relationships. By demonstrating positive empathy publicly, you will be lifting up the positive vibration and increasing your own happiness.
I strongly encourage you to practice positive empathy.
What is there to lose?
-Beth
P.S. Is your workplace culture less than positive? I can help. Schedule a “just in time” assessment session with me to identify problems and discern steps you can take to begin to turn things around. For more information email: support@ncdsolution.com