The Hot Potato of Leadership

The names of the people involved have been changed for this post.

Sophie was excited to be a new member of the management team. She had been promoted due to her organizational skills, attention to detail, and ability to get work done well. Sophie was well-liked by her team.

At management team meetings, sensitive and confidential information was often shared. Sophie wasn't accustomed to this. Sometimes her first thought was of her former teammates, now direct reports, and how she'd love to share this information with them over coffee or a drink, like in the days before her promotion. She yearned for those former connections. She missed her friendships and the camaraderie that came from being part of her former "home team."

But now her home team was the management team.

She knew that. Still, she missed the intimacy of sharing gossip and speculating about company drama.

Recently, the management team discussed an employee who was struggling with communication and damaging working relationships with colleagues. The Executive Director shared information about the steps being taken to address the employee’s negative behaviors.

Sophie had previous confrontations with this employee, as had her assistant manager. She wished she could let her assistant manager know what action steps were being taken, but she also recognized that she was expected to keep this information confidential.

Later that day, Sophie met with her assistant manager, and again, the problematic employee's name came up. Her assistant manager, Bart, was frustrated and said, "I just don't get why nothing is being done."

In that moment, Sophie could no longer hold onto the information. It became like a hot potato in her hands. She had to pass it on. Sophie rationalized her decision, thinking, "I know I can trust Bart. We're friends, not just supervisor and direct report." Sophie also thought that if Bart knew things were happening, he'd be able to cope better in the short term. So, Sophie moved forward, even though she knew she wasn't supposed to share the plan for addressing the problematic employee's behaviors.

Sophie felt an immediate sense of relief as Bart expressed his gratitude for her letting him in on what was to happen. She felt an inkling of regret and shame that she hadn't kept the information confidential, but she also felt that she had done the right thing for her employee and friend.

Sophie didn't give it another thought until her boss came to her a few days later to tell her that the information about the remediation plan had been leaked and gotten back to the employee who was the subject of the upcoming discussion. The leak had been tracked back to Bart, who then told a friend, who then told the employee in question.

Sophie felt deflated and embarrassed. Tearfully, she shared how she had trusted Bart and felt it was the right move as he had been questioning why it appeared nothing was being done. Sophie's own supervisor realized Sophie still had a lot to learn about the boundaries and discomfort that can come with leader and being a teammate.

Sophie’s supervisor reached out to me for leadership coaching to help Sophie bridge this gap.

Do you remember being a kid and playing the "hot potato" game?

You'd pass a small ball between a group of kids, as fast as you could, as if it were a baked potato too hot to handle. Music would be playing, and when the music stopped, whoever was holding the ball was left with the "hot potato."

Confidential information can sometimes feel like a hot potato. It's very uncomfortable to hold. We want to pass it on. And we find all kinds of ways to rationalize how doing so is the right thing. But the reality is that in passing on this kind of information, which isn't ours to share, all we're doing is seeking relief from the discomfort of holding onto it. And 9 times out of 10, the drama and chaos that ensue after passing a hot potato are more painful than the temporary discomfort.

What might Sophie have done instead?

She could have let Bart know that she understood the situation was challenging and that it wasn't being ignored or disregarded. And leave it at that. She could have coached Bart on how to proceed if he felt threatened or attacked by the other employee (escalate, file a formal report).

One of the biggest challenges of being promoted from within is how to connect with your new home team (the management team) while still maintaining the relationships you enjoyed with your former peers.

As someone who has had to make this shift (and at times, didn't do it well but learned from every misstep) I can help you navigate this important transition successfully.

For support and coaching to help new leaders navigate these challenges, schedule a consultation with me here: https://ncdsolution.com/beth