When Feedback Doesn't Work
“Lorraine” sought help from me, specifically, for giving feedback. She has a staff member who is competent at her job. But whenever Lorraine asks her to change course or take on something new, the staff member reacts negatively.
Lorraine has developed workarounds to keep the person moving—sometimes doing the task herself rather than asking the staff member. Recently, directors from other departments have commented that this staff member’s attitude makes them reluctant to engage with the staff member.
Lorraine has given the staff member feedback about how their behaviors—huffing and puffing, complaining about the workload, or sometimes not doing the task at all—conflict with their desire for promotion and involvement in new projects.
Despite three feedback conversations, the behavior hasn't changed. Lorraine is frustrated and fears that as others call out this staff member’s behavior, they may question Lorraine’s ability to manage and hold people accountable.
What’s the missing piece?
What's missing in this scenario is a concrete and clear line in the sand—a consequence for the staff member failing to address and change this behavior.
This behavior ultimately causes others to:
Question if they can trust the staffer to complete necessary work
Identify the staffer as not being a team player
Hesitate to consider the staffer for promotions or special projects
I suspect this behavior—making a fuss that's annoying enough that people will leave her alone—is something the staff member learned earlier in life.
It's been working for her, reinforced every time Lorraine—or anyone else—chooses to do the work themselves rather than approach her.
Here's the tough part.
Lorraine supervises six other people plus her own work responsibilities. This one staff member's work product is adequate; it's the staff member’s attitude that causes unnecessary drama and chaos.
Lorraine must now make a choice.
Should Lorraine escalate from a feedback conversation to a performance conversation with consequences?
Is it time for a Performance Improvement Plan?
Must she issue a formal warning that this attitude must change if the person wants to remain part of the team in her current position?
Or does Lorraine just ignore it all and hope the staffer decides to move on of her own accord?
Who needs to change?
When you're repeatedly giving feedback and the person dismisses it as unimportant, or doesn't take action, perhaps it's you—the one giving the feedback—who needs to change your approach.
Our work together.
Lorraine engaged me for a few feedback-specific coaching sessions. Lorraine was able to use her annual professional development allotment for this work, because she had received feedback that she needed to get this person to shift this behavior and felt quite stymied.
Lorraine began by reading my book, Mastering Feedback - Everything You’ve Never Been Told About How to Give Feedback. Then we discussed Lorraine’s approach to feedback using my framework and paid particular attention to the accountability piece. She left with a plan to deliver the feedback in a more firm way.
Sometimes there’s a step back before you can move forward.
Because the learned behavior of avoidance and creating drama is so deeply engrained in the staff person, the first attempt at feedback resulted in the same kind of response.
This is not uncommon, and it’s where the shift has to happen.
Here’s where it’s up to Lorraine to determine how she’s going to grow as a leader.
Is she going to ignore the staff member’s resistance and excuses and set a firm due date for change? Or is she going to back down when this staff person leans into the strategies and tools for avoidance and resistance that have served her well in the past?
Changing behavior can be challenging and uncomfortable, especially if you feel you've been doing your best without results. Through her work with me, Lorraine was able to resolve this successfully.
If you've been in a similar situation, I can help you.
Get in touch when you have a feedback challenge that you’d like support with: https://NCDsolution.com/beth